A retelling of TLOS: Dawn Of The Dragon
by PediKrueger
Summary: Spyro and Cynder are released from the crystal and set out to save the world in one of the most humorous adventures imaginable.


3 years after the events of The Eternal Night (TEN) Spyro and Cynder are still encased in crystal. Some idiot creatures called "Grublins" decided to find them in the ruins of the Well of souls and free them, Bring them to an underground temple so they can pit them against other creatures for fun. The Grublins also tie the two dragons together so they can't escape.

Naturally, It only takes about 5 minutes for Spyro and Cynder to figure out an escape plan and are reunited with the Hunter of Avalar who had just returned from the latest Cheetos commercial. He tells them how screwed the whole world is. Spyro, As usual, Blames himself for everything while Cynder tells him to STFU and that not everything's about him.

They are then knocked unconscious and taken to the Cheetah village since they couldn't possibly go there on their own. After proving the village chief is an idiot, They save the village from being burned to ashes. But some douchebag cheetah we've never heard of has gone missing, And Spyro thought it'd be lit if they saved him instead of the world. Suddenly, it's our job to find him before setting out to save the world from a tyrant overlord.

After finding said cheetah and realizing that his leg is broken and that there's no way we can fly him back to the village, Spyro and Cynder find him a raft and destroy some Grublins and their ultimate weapon (fishing nets) along the way. They then find out that they've been free this whole time and could have gone wherever they wanted.

So they set out to the dragon city of Warfang and find out it's under siege. Spyro and Cynder then decide to save a group of 4 moles in an entire city from being burned alive. Spyro's Alzheimers kicks in and instead of using his ice breath he and Cynder find buckets of water to save the moles.

While Spyro and Cynder were busy saving the 4 moles, Malefor's forces had effectively Eff-ed up the armies of Warfang and started their offensive. After the moles realize that a single cannon can take down an entire army equipped with at least 6 cannons, they manage to save the only entrance to the city (which was unlocked by the way) and Malefor's pussy army starts to flee. Of course the dragons find out almost instantly that this was an elaborate trolling attempt as Malefor sends out a single Golem to destroy Warfang once and for all. After knocking the tough, battle-hardened guardians unconscious, the Golem is destroyed by the two heroic teenagers Spyro and Cynder.

Malefor goes full butthurt at this point and releases Godzilla to destroy the world without first finding an escape plan for himself. He then informs everyone in the world of his intentions so he wouldn't have the element of surprise. The world ignores this credible threat and take the rest of the night off.

In the morning, Spyro and Cynder are sent to unlock Warfang's emergency exit door which was locked from the outside, and realize that a whole other civilization was hidden behind the door. After that, they realize the destroyer's circled the whole world in the span of one night, but luckily it's gonna take it 3 hours to complete the final kilometer, giving the protagonists a chance to trap him in a river, created by destroying a massive architectural masterpiece.

What comes next surprises no one in the world as the destroyer dies. Little do they know, Malefor's been taking online trolling lessons, and resurrects the thing, and the Destroyer returns to the last checkpoint and continues the game. Luckily its legs are destroyed so it can now only crawl using its hands, meaning he has 1/10000th of his natural speed.

Upon realizing how screwed they are, the two protagonists and Ignitus grow beer muscles and go after Malefor himself. Ignitus sacrifices himself to save the two protagonists from certain death after putting them in a life or death situation himself. Spyro's dark form returns but Cynder's terrible voice acting scares him off. After travelling through volcanic lands and practically flying directly over lava without being burned alive they realize they have to solve a puzzle in order to fly over a wall to reach Malefor. And after solving said puzzle, They finally meet Malefor.

Malefor starts mind-fucking the two protagonists and realizes they're far too stupid. He gets bored and forces Cynder to attack Spyro, But the power of hormones kick in and she decides to kill Malefor instead. Malefor then takes a massive beating from the two teenagers, but they're too late and the destroyer finally completes its circle after 5 hours. The world starts to blow up as Malefor prepares for his second round of spanking.

After getting beaten up a second time, Malefor shows his full strength by getting beaten up a third time, And a fourth time after that. He then realizes he's too strong and wastes his breath trying to prove it. Before he can regain his breath, Malefor attacks the two protagonists with his laser beam which he had forgotten about, but is repelled by their own laser beam which they didn't have until that very moment in game. Malefor is then defeated for good by some ghosts that trap him in the earth's core, which is a huge purple crystal.

Spyro realizes he's Jesus Christ, and proves it by saving the world by literally pulling its pieces back together. Cynder admits she always thought Spyro has a cute butt, and the two get laid in the beautiful lands of Avalar. It is at this point that everyone comes out from under their beds and having survived a literal Tsunami of fire and lava, They look up at the sky in unison and see a new constellation, Created by god, In the form of Ignitus.

Of course, the story's not over yet, and after the credits Ignitus becomes Ignitus the white and peeps on Spyro and Cynder getting laid. He then realizes he can peep on everyone's sex life for many millennia and a smile of joy is formed on his lips.

The End


End file.
